Does Self Love Have To Come at a Cost?

Now before I get into this let me just say that I love love, I truly do. I love witnessing it, I love making it, and obviously I love writing about it.
But there’s a deeper fascination I have with love. One that has also made me very protective (sometimes to my detriment) about the kind of love that comes my way.

During my teenage years I developed a strange obsession for boys who either didn’t want me or didn’t think I was good enough. It was like, How can you not love me? I can make you, just let me show you how amazing I am! I just did not get it, so I stayed around.

Eventually being involved in these types of 'situationships' slowly began chipping away at not only my confidence but key areas of my personality, to the point where I was either putting on a front or shying away completely.
Fast forward to adulthood where old patterns have developed into better ones. I started realising that new found confidence comes with it’s own challenges, like the acceptance from those we care about, romantically or otherwise.
I became aware that most people don’t like change, particularly those who’ve either held themselves slightly above us or are used to having our undivided attention. The pressure to put aside our own desires and wants has always been greater, and the fear of losing them is what has puts us in danger of losing ourselves...

We’re all taught (particularly women) that love is about sacrifice, patience and giving, but sometimes in the bid secure or hang onto it we forget to expect the same.
Right now though, I'm at a place where I believe that the love I'm receiving - family or otherwise is somewhat a reflection of the kind of love I've learnt to pour into myself. Some days it's more than others, admittedly. But I like it best when it's overflowing…

Here are a few tips for loving yourself without losing others:

1. Extend the love you have for yourself to everyone:

This will most likely happen naturally but no, it doesn’t mean putting anyone before yourself or overcompensating for their lack of self love. It means treating them the way you’d like to be treated, with empathy.

2. Don’t be afraid of losing people (the real ones aren’t going anywhere)

3. Your new way of thinking and feeling will probably result in you being the one who ends up distancing yourself first so again, don’t be afraid of losing people

4. Love is infectious (including self love). Be prepared to attract more people than you lose

5. Don’t be afraid of losing people.

I hope they help!

Mimi…

Do I Lose Me to Love You?