Are You Giving More Than You’re Receiving?

Have you ever had that overwhelming feeling of tiredness that only comes over you at the sight or mention of that one person in particular? Do you ever get this feeling yet still insist on giving that person the little bit of energy you have left?

I think it’s safe to say we all have…and its time we stop.

The need for self-preservation has become a very important part of my life for a few years now since my 2nd battle with anxiety, and until I began practicing it I was unaware of just how not-great us women are at doing it.

You see the ability to identify the people (or things) that don’t benefit us is something I think we’re actually really good at (God bless our intuition).

I find where we struggle the most is the elimination process (God damn our empathy!) which to do successfully, tends to require a few of my favourite things; honesty, self-reflection and straight dropping people out (yep, I said it!).

Now, honesty and self-reflection are difficult understandably, but affects no one but ourselves. Dropping people out? This might take a little more time and emotional preparation. But how do you know if it’s the right thing to do? The truth is, Sis, you probably already know.

Do the people in your life elevate you? Do they encourage you? Do they help tackle the demons that stunt your growth? If not, drop those bitches out and i’ll tell you why…

Relationships, particularly friendships have to be a two way street in my eyes. I say friendships in particular because when it comes to romantic relationships, other factors may come into play and take precedent, ie financial dependency, genre beliefs or religious/cultural practices etc, so the need for this level of give and take can be overshadowed by expectations. But when it comes to friendships, more often than not it’s obvious, and matters more when the balance is off. It’s our friends we turn to for relationship, parental and all round home advice. It’s our friends who share our plights as women, and it’s our friends we actually depend on. Now, if you’re happy being the ‘strong’, ‘reliable’ friend, then go TF owf girl, but don’t be a martyr. At some point (if it hasn’t happened already), it’s going to take its toll.

Now I’m not going to lie, of course taking such a drastic step like ending a friendship will at first leave you feeling unsure about your decision. However true friendships don’t end, they evolve, and sometimes a break is all one really needs to get back on track. But you’ll very quickly realise that if they were just energy vultures all along, life will start to improve for the better.

You see as far as I’m concerned, every single person in your friends list should add some kind of value to your life, as much as you (hopefully) add to theirs. Most will be angry at you for abandoning them ie, not putting them before yourself anymore. And a few won’t even notice until they want something, but that’s ok; you don’t fuck with bitches who don’t ask about your day when you’ve been on the phone for hours talking about theirs anymore. It’s draining, and you could be using that energy for something more productive, like painting your nails or journaling.

Start surrounding yourself with people who give as much energy as they take and you’ll always overflow with the stuff. And the next time you find yourself mentally preparing for anything or anyone ask yourself; is this worth my energy? And if you’re asking, well…

These are a few tips on how to find your tribe after ending friendships:

1. Don’t be afraid of being alone for a while:

Use this time to enjoy being by yourself. What do you want in life? What are your new friendship needs? Who are you without the influence and opinions of others?

2. Attend events you enjoy that your crew didn’t ie spiritual retreats, Game of Thrones parties, book clubs, whatever. And go on your own!

3. Don’t be afraid to be alone (read up on what the Hermit symbolises in tarot. I love the meaning of this card!)

4. Talk to people you wouldn’t usually talk to at work, school, hell, on the street! You never know who you’ll click with.

5. Put it out there into the Universe (if you know, you know)

6. Use social media to connect with groups of people like yourself

7. Do more alone. Trust me when I tell that the right people will find their way to you, like attracts like!

Now don’t get me wrong I know I’ve made these sound easier than they actually are (I struggle with a few things on this list myself). But the idea isn’t that adopt my way of doing or seeing things, it’s that hopefully you see the logic in it and take whatever works best for you…enjoy and good luck!

Mimi…

Is It Worth Your Energy?